#WaitingtoExhale Part 1.
“Sometimes you’ll laugh. Sometimes you’ll cry. Life never tells us the when’s or why”.
-Exhale Whitney Houston
It's amazing how your life can change in a year. I’m not quite where I want to be in life. But I’m damn sure on the right path. I felt emotional this morning looking at my Facebook memory posts from last year. I didn’t lose out on anything. In fact, I dodged several bullets. If someone would have tapped me on the shoulder and told me about the happiness that is on the other side of “letting go”, would I have seriously “let it go?” If someone would have told me in 2019 about the men I would meet in 2020 will show me something different, would I have believed it? If there is one thing I have learned about life lessons is they will always come to you in different forms until you have learned and mastered that lesson. And when you do, there will come a point where you will exhale. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“To be honest, I am stoked about having the time to write blog posts again”.
-9 pm Editing Thoughts
Life for me has been busy. I launched my underwear line. I am coming out with my first book next month. And on top of that creating and being a part of several vendor events and shows. It’s a lot for me at times, especially while working a full-time job. It’s the “work-life balance” that I am currently learning how to manage. Apart from that, I want to grow in the management field for the cannabis industry. But then, another part of me is pushing for this entrepreneur lifestyle. I wake up some mornings and think “working for someone else’s company is truly GHETTO!! And then while I’m at work, I think about the million other things I can be doing with my time or my brand. Don’t get me wrong, I love working in the cannabis industry but I also love the amount of time and energy I have been investing in my brand. But I am going to keep being a legal drug dealer until the point comes when I can finally exhale about working a job. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“Everyone falls in love sometimes. Sometimes it’s wrong. Sometimes it’s right. For every win. Someone must Fall. But there comes a point when we Exhale”.
-Exhale Whitney Houston
Friends, I know what y’all came here for me. You want to know “The Tea” in my dating life. I cut off the “My New Guy” not officially but we not fucking no more. It got to the point where I started getting bored with what we were doing. And even on the days where I am horny, I may text him but I always end up falling asleep. “My Love” has been getting a lot more of my attention lately. And even though we have to work through his stubborn Taurus ways, my feelings are back for him. Maybe it’s the fact of him being supportive of my entrepreneur lifestyle or maybe I'm still holding on to the fact of us knowing each other for so long. I do see where things can get cloudy because of the long distance. You would think all it would take is a bit of communication when it comes to this, however, trying to communicate to someone who is stuck in their ways at times is quite difficult. I went on a random strip club date a couple of weeks ago with this guy named “Black”. Now listen here, strip club dates ARE THE SHIT! We had our section, he let me order whatever I wanted plus more and one of the stripper’s brought some panties from me. I woke up the next morning with White Castle in my bed, “Black” laying next to me, and a couple of missed phone calls from “My Love”. With all that I have going on, I still can’t find a way to exhale when it comes to men. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
-Exhale Whitney Houston
It's amazing how your life can change in a year. I’m not quite where I want to be in life. But I’m damn sure on the right path. I felt emotional this morning looking at my Facebook memory posts from last year. I didn’t lose out on anything. In fact, I dodged several bullets. If someone would have tapped me on the shoulder and told me about the happiness that is on the other side of “letting go”, would I have seriously “let it go?” If someone would have told me in 2019 about the men I would meet in 2020 will show me something different, would I have believed it? If there is one thing I have learned about life lessons is they will always come to you in different forms until you have learned and mastered that lesson. And when you do, there will come a point where you will exhale. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“To be honest, I am stoked about having the time to write blog posts again”.
-9 pm Editing Thoughts
Life for me has been busy. I launched my underwear line. I am coming out with my first book next month. And on top of that creating and being a part of several vendor events and shows. It’s a lot for me at times, especially while working a full-time job. It’s the “work-life balance” that I am currently learning how to manage. Apart from that, I want to grow in the management field for the cannabis industry. But then, another part of me is pushing for this entrepreneur lifestyle. I wake up some mornings and think “working for someone else’s company is truly GHETTO!! And then while I’m at work, I think about the million other things I can be doing with my time or my brand. Don’t get me wrong, I love working in the cannabis industry but I also love the amount of time and energy I have been investing in my brand. But I am going to keep being a legal drug dealer until the point comes when I can finally exhale about working a job. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“Everyone falls in love sometimes. Sometimes it’s wrong. Sometimes it’s right. For every win. Someone must Fall. But there comes a point when we Exhale”.
-Exhale Whitney Houston
Friends, I know what y’all came here for me. You want to know “The Tea” in my dating life. I cut off the “My New Guy” not officially but we not fucking no more. It got to the point where I started getting bored with what we were doing. And even on the days where I am horny, I may text him but I always end up falling asleep. “My Love” has been getting a lot more of my attention lately. And even though we have to work through his stubborn Taurus ways, my feelings are back for him. Maybe it’s the fact of him being supportive of my entrepreneur lifestyle or maybe I'm still holding on to the fact of us knowing each other for so long. I do see where things can get cloudy because of the long distance. You would think all it would take is a bit of communication when it comes to this, however, trying to communicate to someone who is stuck in their ways at times is quite difficult. I went on a random strip club date a couple of weeks ago with this guy named “Black”. Now listen here, strip club dates ARE THE SHIT! We had our section, he let me order whatever I wanted plus more and one of the stripper’s brought some panties from me. I woke up the next morning with White Castle in my bed, “Black” laying next to me, and a couple of missed phone calls from “My Love”. With all that I have going on, I still can’t find a way to exhale when it comes to men. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
#WrongBitch
“You are always responsible for how you act, no matter how you feel. Remember that”!
-3am Thoughts
Tati today is very different from the Tati last year around this time. I was the person who didn’t know how to control their anger or emotions when it came to dealing with men who I tend to be in relationships with. I remember being drunk and angry and starting fights with “The Light Skin Fella”. And even though he deserved it, I would never forget the day I broke his Xbox and almost busted the windows out of his car. I was angry, frustrated, and found out about his cheating ways. It was the weekend of his birthday. I blacked out and all I remember was grabbing the Xbox and tossing it across the room. At that moment at that time, he figured he fucked with the wrong bitch because he didn’t come back for weeks. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“Some people are in therapy to deal with people in their lives who won’t go to therapy”.
-A True Statement
Ya know people, I am happy with the woman that I grew into since then. Life is going to test you in many different ways with the same situation if you haven't learned the first time around. I find it funny that every guy that I date on a serious level are all Scorpios except for “My Love”. So of course I was taking proper precautions when dating “My New Guy” because he is a Scorpio.Since being in therapy, I have learned to recognize my triggers for anger, sadness, and even happiness. I’ve been learning what makes me whole as a woman. Nonchalant, “woe is me” men are a trigger for my anger. You can’t be claiming you are not a person to force shit via social media but blow up my DM’s for a month straight for my number. You must have the wrong bitch because I am a writer and you will end up as material. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“You can’t have a continuous it is, what it is, attitude towards me, and expect me to stick around sir. I will gladly move around.”
-Midday on the Redline Train Thoughts
Okay, so boom! Me and “My New Guy” did talk things out after a couple of days of cooling down. The one thing that I admire about “My New Guy” during our talk was the level of communication and understanding. In his words “If you had an issue with what I tweeted you could have just communicated that instead of blocking me and posting a video of you and some dude on Snapchat”. And you know what, he is right. But yet, it’s that one fear of not having this type of communication in my past relationships that hindered me from doing this, to begin with. So where do we go from here? Ya know people it only takes one time for someone to show their asshole ways for me to walk away. Cuz see, he doesn’t know about me and my past and all I have I say is he has the wrong bitch. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“Keep you, three dudes, because one is going to keep him six chicks, a goat, and a roach”
-Some funny meme on Instagram
I’m just dating at this point. I want something serious if it comes my way at the right time. But I am about my money and my business as well. Anyone that dates me has to understand my financial stability comes first. So If I’m busy working or busting a move, they need to understand that. Going into the fall months of 2020, I can say my time will be limited. It’s football season, I am launching an apparel line, and not to mention me working two-three jobs all over again. I will be busy, busy, busy and I like it that way. I really like “My New Guy” and would like for us to get over this hump phase. But I’m also keeping my dating options open for now. It’s drafting season meaning it’s time for me to start “My Five Star LineUp”. May the best person win my heart. Because you must have the wrong bitch thinking I'm going to settle for anything less at this point. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
-3am Thoughts
Tati today is very different from the Tati last year around this time. I was the person who didn’t know how to control their anger or emotions when it came to dealing with men who I tend to be in relationships with. I remember being drunk and angry and starting fights with “The Light Skin Fella”. And even though he deserved it, I would never forget the day I broke his Xbox and almost busted the windows out of his car. I was angry, frustrated, and found out about his cheating ways. It was the weekend of his birthday. I blacked out and all I remember was grabbing the Xbox and tossing it across the room. At that moment at that time, he figured he fucked with the wrong bitch because he didn’t come back for weeks. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“Some people are in therapy to deal with people in their lives who won’t go to therapy”.
-A True Statement
Ya know people, I am happy with the woman that I grew into since then. Life is going to test you in many different ways with the same situation if you haven't learned the first time around. I find it funny that every guy that I date on a serious level are all Scorpios except for “My Love”. So of course I was taking proper precautions when dating “My New Guy” because he is a Scorpio.Since being in therapy, I have learned to recognize my triggers for anger, sadness, and even happiness. I’ve been learning what makes me whole as a woman. Nonchalant, “woe is me” men are a trigger for my anger. You can’t be claiming you are not a person to force shit via social media but blow up my DM’s for a month straight for my number. You must have the wrong bitch because I am a writer and you will end up as material. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“You can’t have a continuous it is, what it is, attitude towards me, and expect me to stick around sir. I will gladly move around.”
-Midday on the Redline Train Thoughts
Okay, so boom! Me and “My New Guy” did talk things out after a couple of days of cooling down. The one thing that I admire about “My New Guy” during our talk was the level of communication and understanding. In his words “If you had an issue with what I tweeted you could have just communicated that instead of blocking me and posting a video of you and some dude on Snapchat”. And you know what, he is right. But yet, it’s that one fear of not having this type of communication in my past relationships that hindered me from doing this, to begin with. So where do we go from here? Ya know people it only takes one time for someone to show their asshole ways for me to walk away. Cuz see, he doesn’t know about me and my past and all I have I say is he has the wrong bitch. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“Keep you, three dudes, because one is going to keep him six chicks, a goat, and a roach”
-Some funny meme on Instagram
I’m just dating at this point. I want something serious if it comes my way at the right time. But I am about my money and my business as well. Anyone that dates me has to understand my financial stability comes first. So If I’m busy working or busting a move, they need to understand that. Going into the fall months of 2020, I can say my time will be limited. It’s football season, I am launching an apparel line, and not to mention me working two-three jobs all over again. I will be busy, busy, busy and I like it that way. I really like “My New Guy” and would like for us to get over this hump phase. But I’m also keeping my dating options open for now. It’s drafting season meaning it’s time for me to start “My Five Star LineUp”. May the best person win my heart. Because you must have the wrong bitch thinking I'm going to settle for anything less at this point. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
#August2020
“No one knows the true definition of heartbreak until you had to pick the pieces of YOURSELF and put them back together”
-Random 3 am Thoughts
My life is starting to get back to somewhat of a normal feel now. I started back working two jobs and for a moment I felt nervous because I thought my life was starting to get a little boring. I don’t want to be the person to say it, but damn! Some days I miss sitting on my ass collecting my wealthy unemployment checks. I miss having the creative freedom to think. I miss being drunk in the crib and waking up hungover the next day without a carefree in the world. I wake up at 7:30 am, go to work, come home at 9:30 pm and get ready to end my night. The days I do have off are for running errands or I truly don't want to be bothered. I delete social media more times out the week than normal now. But to be honest, I will take this boring life over a drama-filled life any day. My best friend Kia once told me, “Just because your life is chaotic at times doesn’t mean you have to participate in the drama and even better create drama”. And that's when the quote I have been seeing all over social media made sense, “the peace I have now is worth everything I left”. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
But the days, I do go out OOH BABY I GO OUT!!
I know yall be looking at my social media stories and think “Shawty life lit!” But I’m just like you, trying to make it but still holding on to the fact that sometimes you do have to let yourself live. That is the main reason why I love the friend circle I have now. For a long time, it was always just me and my best friend Ashley. Even if we have invited others out with us, it never works. Females always wanted to be around me because of who I know and the fact that I am plugged heavily in the Chicago entertainment industry/nightlife. But this group of black women I am around now is amazing! And honestly the best group of female friends anyone can ask for. Let me say this, if you and your friends are not comfortable with keeping each other in check and building one another up, then maybe you should get you some new friends. All my friends have brands! And the ladies' night out was def needed. By the way, you know my ladies' night is going to be lit if I come to the table crying over some nigga. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“My vibe..my energy..my essence..my aura can never be replicated nor duplicated..what I have is mine..no one else’s”
-Kanika Blair
It’s time for me to start backdating. And I promised myself, I was going to go into this dating life again with no baggage from the last situationship. My best friend Slim told me to have fun this time around and even though I promised her I would, I still can be a hard-headed peanut head ass child. When I met “My New Guy” I didn't want to give him the time of the day. But his charming personality over twitter dm’s and late-night lake convos made it into my bedroom. Very career driven, chocolate skin tone, and intelligent. But two things raised a red flag for me: he has a kid and he is three years younger than me. So after seeing some of his outrageous tweets upon him leaving my crib, I decided it was time for us to take a break. I am not interested in showing any man how to talk to me if he has issues going on personally. Furthermore, I am not putting any energy into someone who doesn’t want to reciprocate back. And to be honest, after going on a random lunch date with “ Mr. Money” and an amazing one-night stand I had with “Twin” why would I ever settle or try to talks things over with “My New Guy”. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
#Lemonade
|
“I don't think you give yourself enough credit when you are doing good. No need to be hard on yourself all the time”. -My dearest friend and mentor, Mo
I was very hesitant to share my news with the world. Only because I know some people are or will pray for your downfall. But when I think about all the setbacks I have when it comes to this brand or my life in general, I have no choice but to keep going. Throughout this entire COVID situation, I have learned to remain humble and how not to take things for granted in life. Moreover, I have learned the value of staying positive, being patient, and listening to the universe. A lot has changed for me in 2020 from switching careers to loving every aspect of myself as a woman. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her. “Here we go….” I am proud to announce dontdate-her.com is an official LLC and I hold all trademarks to this brand. It was a long time coming but I felt this is something that had to be done. As my hair stylist told me, “This is something that no one can take away from you”. And she is right. I want to share this only because I’ve had so many people in my corner during this time rooting for me and I just want to be the living proof: No matter how many times life throws you lemons and even though sometimes those lemons hurt, MAKE LEMONADE! Restarting back dontdate-her.com was me making regular lemonade. Now that it's an actual company, I’m making pink lemonade. And I’m going to continue to make every flavor lemonade as possible with these lemons that life continues to throw at me. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her. “I thought about it, I wanted to address it. But then again I’m cool.... You won, enjoy!” I keep saying this and I’m going to continue saying this time and time again, healing is a JOURNEY! This month I have learned that I must be open to changing the way I respond to things. And to be honest I really would like to thank my friend circle aka GANG for keeping me grounded and checking me on this. You know you won when you are okay with your side of the story not being told correctly. And that is something I had to learn; saying okay and moving on. Rather it’s friendships, relationships, and our favorite trauma bonds. Just say okay and move on. This is one lemon life has thrown at me many times. And to be honest I have failed at this lesson in life until one day I had to do what I had to do. And guess what, I made some bomb ass blueberry lemonade out of it. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her. P.s. This isn’t my glow up phase yet. Just a Lil spark….. #SanityandPeace
“Growth is when you start checking and correcting yourself. Instead of blaming others, you take your power back by being responsible for your life”- An Instagram Meme
After my Blog Anniversary, I spent some time in Indianapolis with “My Love”. This is a man I have known since I was 17. This is a man that taught me everything about intimate sex. This is a man that any given day I would drop everything for and run to. It has been a year since we spent time together. I was more nervous than excited and did not know what to expect. "My Love” is very particular. He would be the type of guy that would come over and rearrange the seasonings in my cabinet (seriously that man so very organized). Although we love each other deeply, we simply are not ready for one other yet. We both have some deep-down emotional things to get over. And once we heal from those past traumas, then maybe we could one day continue our future together. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her. “Me repeating to myself, sanity and peace over some dick, sanity, and peace over some dick”... The real growth is not responding to foolishness from the bitter woman in his life. Maybe a couple of months ago, I would have. But since I am on this journey of healing, my sanity and peace are worth so much more than some dick. And even though "The Light Skin Fella" continues to apologize for her actions, maybe one day I can forgive him for everything. And when I think about it, that’s real growth; learning how to forgive others so I can become a better woman. However, an apology ain’t shit without a changed behavior and promises can be broken without a commitment. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her. “Girl, do it for you!” This healing process isn’t just a journey but more of a rebranding structure for my life. If I would have told you how I felt as a woman a couple of months ago, would you believe anything that I said? This journey has taught me how to overcome all my demons from my childhood and young adulthood. It forced me to face certain characteristics about myself. I was never the type of person that could be alone. But this time, I had no choice but to be alone and to be alone with my thoughts. There was a moment during an entire month, I felt angry at the world and angry at myself. I found myself sometimes frustrated with the choices I have made in life. But, when I look back at those choices, I’m happy that I did make them. All those choices helped to develop me into the woman I am now. And when you have that thought process in your mind, a new confidence as a woman emerges. So the photos I took to rebrand this is more than just being sexy in lingerie. It’s showing complete confidence in me, a woman I thought I lost. This is me..this is the “REBRAND”. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her. 
|
Follow Me!
|
I was very hesitant to write something..but after seeing many comments in my service industry group on Facebook...I just had to say something...
The anxiety that ran through me while writing this….Whew, chile!
I had a lot of things planned for my blog this week. I had a lot of business veneers and sponsorship meetings that should have taken place this week. With everyone stating their opinion and views on social media and sharing of some fictitious information, I had to take a break from it all to get my thoughts in order. Like many of my other creative friends, I was on a standstill with putting out new content because of the simple fact there is something bigger that is taking place in the world, within my community, and with my race right now.
I’m truly taking a risk writing this….but take a look at my brand..I'm always taking risks
As many of you may know, I work in the service industry as a bartender/server and was a former bar manager. I mostly work in the Lincoln Park and Wrigley Area. I have experienced my fair share of racism while working. You wouldn’t believe the number of times I have read a table’s facial expression when I come up to greet them as their server. I guess they expected Becky that’s bartending at the time to be their server. And don’t let them ask to speak to the manager on duty and I come out of the office. Facial expressions, tone of voice, and ask if there is anyone else they can talk to like I’m incompetent of helping them resolve their issue with service or IPA that they didn’t like. And then there were times where the old white men think they could “buy” me out with a nice hotel room downtown because they have never seen a gorgeous black woman and always wanted to be with one. Yes! I have been told that! Through it all, I was polite and went above and beyond to help serve these customers with the best service possible.
Let’s get this straight, I’m not here to talk about my views on the protests, riots, looters, etc.
I have been off work since March 15. It is now June 3rd. As a Black Woman that lives in America, how do you expect me to go back to work and continue to serve customers who probably don’t care about what's going on, who doesn’t understand what's going on, or wants to talk about it and demand that you listen and take on their views. As a bartender, I don't indulge in talk regarding politics or religion with my customers. I have educated myself well enough on sports to sit there and go back and forth with a man on what teams will be going to the SuperBowl next. Now I know what you are all thinking while reading, why don’t you find a black-owned spot to work or find another profession? Well, friends, to be honest, the money is good. In Wrigley make up $600 a day bartending and serving and some bars in certain areas don’t hire black females. However, it is the level of uncertainty that I have now and that most of the Black females that are in the service industry have now. For the most part, the bars/restaurants that I have worked in have always made sure that I was okay after a racist comment and have kicked/banned customers for racist comments. However, for those who haven’t, I hope you are going to now. I love working in the industry and care for all my industry friends, but please educate yourself on the facts of what’s happening before you fix your mouth and speak on it. In case you didn’t know, you are not Black and I will be damned if you would ever tell me how I should feel. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why Black Lives Matter.
The anxiety that ran through me while writing this….Whew, chile!
I had a lot of things planned for my blog this week. I had a lot of business veneers and sponsorship meetings that should have taken place this week. With everyone stating their opinion and views on social media and sharing of some fictitious information, I had to take a break from it all to get my thoughts in order. Like many of my other creative friends, I was on a standstill with putting out new content because of the simple fact there is something bigger that is taking place in the world, within my community, and with my race right now.
I’m truly taking a risk writing this….but take a look at my brand..I'm always taking risks
As many of you may know, I work in the service industry as a bartender/server and was a former bar manager. I mostly work in the Lincoln Park and Wrigley Area. I have experienced my fair share of racism while working. You wouldn’t believe the number of times I have read a table’s facial expression when I come up to greet them as their server. I guess they expected Becky that’s bartending at the time to be their server. And don’t let them ask to speak to the manager on duty and I come out of the office. Facial expressions, tone of voice, and ask if there is anyone else they can talk to like I’m incompetent of helping them resolve their issue with service or IPA that they didn’t like. And then there were times where the old white men think they could “buy” me out with a nice hotel room downtown because they have never seen a gorgeous black woman and always wanted to be with one. Yes! I have been told that! Through it all, I was polite and went above and beyond to help serve these customers with the best service possible.
Let’s get this straight, I’m not here to talk about my views on the protests, riots, looters, etc.
I have been off work since March 15. It is now June 3rd. As a Black Woman that lives in America, how do you expect me to go back to work and continue to serve customers who probably don’t care about what's going on, who doesn’t understand what's going on, or wants to talk about it and demand that you listen and take on their views. As a bartender, I don't indulge in talk regarding politics or religion with my customers. I have educated myself well enough on sports to sit there and go back and forth with a man on what teams will be going to the SuperBowl next. Now I know what you are all thinking while reading, why don’t you find a black-owned spot to work or find another profession? Well, friends, to be honest, the money is good. In Wrigley make up $600 a day bartending and serving and some bars in certain areas don’t hire black females. However, it is the level of uncertainty that I have now and that most of the Black females that are in the service industry have now. For the most part, the bars/restaurants that I have worked in have always made sure that I was okay after a racist comment and have kicked/banned customers for racist comments. However, for those who haven’t, I hope you are going to now. I love working in the industry and care for all my industry friends, but please educate yourself on the facts of what’s happening before you fix your mouth and speak on it. In case you didn’t know, you are not Black and I will be damned if you would ever tell me how I should feel. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why Black Lives Matter.
#Changes pt 1.
“Sometimes you have seasons where you can’t do nothing but sit your ass down”..
-Kia Smith Writes
Here I am at twenty-nine years old revamping my entire life. Changes had to be made. Some people had to go. I had to leave some old habits behind. Forcing myself to be comfortable with being alone and in silence. Continually grasping the fact that I will be thirty next year. Every morning I wake up, meditate, work on my business plan, cook myself breakfast and think about what else is there today? I may walk to the store or handle some paperwork business. Like others, I find myself bored out of my mind and not to mention I’m not on social media right now. But it’s in these times we must remain calmed and content. It’s in these times I must not go back to old habits. In these times I have to remember my peace and sanity are worth more than anything. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
I wanted to keep this short and simple but you know what fuck it….
This weekend, I should be spending time with “My Love”. But instead, I think I am going to settle and spend it by myself. Any other time, I would jump up and rush to see him. But given the fact after 15 years it's the same thing and nothing will change. He will come out here, we will have sex, and get in our feelings. He is going to want me to move to Indianapolis and I will say no and then we will argue. At some point, I have to let go. He said I’m acting differently but in reality, I’m just not giving in to what he wants or what he is used to. Remember my peace and sanity is worth more than anything. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
Petty means, "of little importance; trivial," but when someone says, "that girl is petty" or "sorry, I'm just being petty," it means they have taken a small subject and blown it out of proportion. -Google.com
Yesterday, I talked with my very best friend. She was explaining to me how bored she was and how petty she becomes when bored. Funny thing, I am the same way. So how am I “Petty Betty” dealing with this? That was one of the old habits I didn’t want to go back to. For a moment, I thought letting this old habit go was going to make me weak. But instead, it made my mind and thought process stronger. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
-Kia Smith Writes
Here I am at twenty-nine years old revamping my entire life. Changes had to be made. Some people had to go. I had to leave some old habits behind. Forcing myself to be comfortable with being alone and in silence. Continually grasping the fact that I will be thirty next year. Every morning I wake up, meditate, work on my business plan, cook myself breakfast and think about what else is there today? I may walk to the store or handle some paperwork business. Like others, I find myself bored out of my mind and not to mention I’m not on social media right now. But it’s in these times we must remain calmed and content. It’s in these times I must not go back to old habits. In these times I have to remember my peace and sanity are worth more than anything. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
I wanted to keep this short and simple but you know what fuck it….
This weekend, I should be spending time with “My Love”. But instead, I think I am going to settle and spend it by myself. Any other time, I would jump up and rush to see him. But given the fact after 15 years it's the same thing and nothing will change. He will come out here, we will have sex, and get in our feelings. He is going to want me to move to Indianapolis and I will say no and then we will argue. At some point, I have to let go. He said I’m acting differently but in reality, I’m just not giving in to what he wants or what he is used to. Remember my peace and sanity is worth more than anything. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
Petty means, "of little importance; trivial," but when someone says, "that girl is petty" or "sorry, I'm just being petty," it means they have taken a small subject and blown it out of proportion. -Google.com
Yesterday, I talked with my very best friend. She was explaining to me how bored she was and how petty she becomes when bored. Funny thing, I am the same way. So how am I “Petty Betty” dealing with this? That was one of the old habits I didn’t want to go back to. For a moment, I thought letting this old habit go was going to make me weak. But instead, it made my mind and thought process stronger. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
#FANETO
“You are no longer the woman he is out there embarrassing. That is a win, sis! Let this be the last time I give this some attention”
-3 Am Thoughts
Why wouldn’t I expect some bullshit after posting my first blog post in a very long time! One year later and we are still going through the same shit. The same love triangle. The same argument over a nigga who is not about shit in life. The same him blocking me then unblocking me later that night to apologize for “Her” actions. The same nigga who will never admit his wrongs as a man. It’s only so many times I could take someone harassing me via social media and not want to do anything about it. I thought to myself, “fuck it, I don’t have anything to lose”. But when all my friends broke things down to me. I do have a lot to lose. So I stopped going back and forth with a girl who has nothing to offer, nothing to lose, and will forever be hungover stuck over “The Light Skin Fella” who can’t buy a meal at 3am when she is hungry. Besides I am really flattered over someone who hates me as much as “She” does. See the irony in this. All the more reasons why not to date her.
“Any room you walk in, walk in as they need you in it. Because they do. You THAT girl, not the other girl. That’s what the fuck going on this morning”.
-Some random person on Twitter
It was a long time coming but after the unnecessary drama and bullshit, it was time for me to take a long hard break from social media. My inner peace and ora was disturbed and somewhat destroyed. Now, if you met me personally, you know that I am one about spiritual healing and energies. I am a firm believer that your energy is announced before you are introduced to a room. My type of energy that is announced is very outgoing and personable. But, when I walk into a room everyone knows, “I am boss ass bitch”. Lately, it seems “that” concept of myself has been dimmed. With everything that is going on in the world right now, I need to get back to that woman. I know this healing journey will reveal a lot of characteristics about myself that I tried to ignore. But overall, it can only make a greater woman than I ever was. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“A man will never be happy until he is financially stable”
-A Facebook post from “The Light Skin Fella”
Thanks to the greater Gods, my rent and bills are paid for the next couple of months. It's going on my second week without social media and I am SO BORED! I have ordered five pairs of shoes and three dresses for the summer with hops we as America can get off punishment. If this is what jail feels like then I never want to experience it. This shit is absolutely crazy! How do I walk inside a store to see there is no Bleach! There is always Bleach! I have learned to cook five new meals and am looking to see how to make peach cobbler. I can never be a housewife. I need to work and be around people. But I am going to use this time and be patient. After all, I do have legal matters to take care of. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
-3 Am Thoughts
Why wouldn’t I expect some bullshit after posting my first blog post in a very long time! One year later and we are still going through the same shit. The same love triangle. The same argument over a nigga who is not about shit in life. The same him blocking me then unblocking me later that night to apologize for “Her” actions. The same nigga who will never admit his wrongs as a man. It’s only so many times I could take someone harassing me via social media and not want to do anything about it. I thought to myself, “fuck it, I don’t have anything to lose”. But when all my friends broke things down to me. I do have a lot to lose. So I stopped going back and forth with a girl who has nothing to offer, nothing to lose, and will forever be hungover stuck over “The Light Skin Fella” who can’t buy a meal at 3am when she is hungry. Besides I am really flattered over someone who hates me as much as “She” does. See the irony in this. All the more reasons why not to date her.
“Any room you walk in, walk in as they need you in it. Because they do. You THAT girl, not the other girl. That’s what the fuck going on this morning”.
-Some random person on Twitter
It was a long time coming but after the unnecessary drama and bullshit, it was time for me to take a long hard break from social media. My inner peace and ora was disturbed and somewhat destroyed. Now, if you met me personally, you know that I am one about spiritual healing and energies. I am a firm believer that your energy is announced before you are introduced to a room. My type of energy that is announced is very outgoing and personable. But, when I walk into a room everyone knows, “I am boss ass bitch”. Lately, it seems “that” concept of myself has been dimmed. With everything that is going on in the world right now, I need to get back to that woman. I know this healing journey will reveal a lot of characteristics about myself that I tried to ignore. But overall, it can only make a greater woman than I ever was. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“A man will never be happy until he is financially stable”
-A Facebook post from “The Light Skin Fella”
Thanks to the greater Gods, my rent and bills are paid for the next couple of months. It's going on my second week without social media and I am SO BORED! I have ordered five pairs of shoes and three dresses for the summer with hops we as America can get off punishment. If this is what jail feels like then I never want to experience it. This shit is absolutely crazy! How do I walk inside a store to see there is no Bleach! There is always Bleach! I have learned to cook five new meals and am looking to see how to make peach cobbler. I can never be a housewife. I need to work and be around people. But I am going to use this time and be patient. After all, I do have legal matters to take care of. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
#Intro
“I was traumatized and suicidal. Sick and tired, I am not to blame. Once I felt a way but not today. I'm not afraid now I can say”
-Jhene Aiko None of Concern
So here I am back writing after 6 long months of trying to pull my life together. After 6 long months of trying to pull a relationship together. After 6 long months of trying to build a foundation for us. After 6 long months of trying to figure out my purpose in this world; in this lifetime. After 6 long months of trying to find the balance of work, this blog, a stable career, and a relationship. And after 6 long months, I lost myself. After 6 long months, I lost my drive. And it took 6 long months for me to actually start back writing again. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“You a dirty bitch on my Great Granny”
-The Light Skin Fella
I loved “The light skin fella” more than I loved myself. And it took me until last night to realize that. Why do I keep holding on a man that doesn’t value me? Why do I keep holding on to a man that doesn’t know how to communicate with me? Now, people, I would be a wrongful woman and to not admit all the wrongs I did. They say never kick a man when he’s down, but I am my mother’s daughter so that independent angry black woman's side of me lashes out mixed with my toxic petty vicious side of me. In the end, if both contributed a little more effort, we would have learned to appreciate each other. But how in the hell can I ever appreciate a man who accuses me of cheating consistently? I was “that” woman who made sure we were both straight! But 6 months ago, you couldn’t tell me shit because I was getting “in house dick”. And it took me until after we fucked the last time to realize he will never leave her because she is carrying his firstborn. And as a woman, that’s a hard salty pill to swallow. But in the end, my sanity and peace is everything vs beating a preg…(pause let me stop). See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“If there is a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, you must be the one to write it”.
-Toni Morrison
After 6 months of trying to get my life figured out, here we are on a statewide lockdown. All jokes aside, with me working in the industry, I am one stressed; depressed; about to lose my shits, individual. What should have been our first bread and butter season for 2020 has turned into a hell hole. Many of us don’t know what is going to happen after this. Many of us don’t know if the bars we serve and bartend in will even be open after this. All we can do is sit around and wait. We can try applying for those office desk type jobs but that’s truly not our passion. I have made up my mind to try to be as creative as possible during this time. Use this time to figure out what I truly want to do in life. Distinct myself from unwanted energies and getting back to who I was 7 months ago. I don’t know why I let myself go from something I invested in and worked so hard for a brand to succeed. But after going back corporate for 3 months, I saw that might not be the best thing for me. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.