#LoveandHappiness

“At some point, you have to take a step back and reflect on life.”
- 2 am Shower Thoughts

I knew going into my thirties I would be busy, but DAMN, not this busy. It seems after my birthday; I couldn’t sit down to reflect on life. I’m back working the usual two jobs, no days off while building a brand. At first, I missed this busy lifestyle. This lifestyle sets boundaries for those who are around me. I can easily make a plan or two if I wanted to. There is no more “you have time. I know you can do it”. It’s a control aspect to me. And if anyone knows me, knows I have to be in some form of control. I control my time with this busy lifestyle. I’m more in control of peace, or at least that’s what I thought. I often get wrapped up in other business ventures and try to help them so that I completely forget my own. And maybe me getting sick and finally sitting my ass down as brought back to one thing I do love writing. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her. 

“Trust the next chapter in your life because you are the author.”
- Some Instagram Meme

I woke up on April 26, hungover, still drunk, and not knowing entirely what happened that night. All I remember is crying in the car, crying to “My DJ Ex,” and crying myself to sleep. I don’t know how or what to feel about “My Love” anymore. All I know is, I never want to feel this low about another man again. It’s the “unappreciative” thing for me. It’s the inconsistency that leads to my head wondering what the fuck are we doing here. It’s the whole you left me in the club while I was drunk.  And I know I said I was done with him completely, but how can I let go of someone I have been down with for over 11 years. How do we go from having a civil conversation on everything that happened last year to us being back all in love to us hating each other all over? Maybe it was never true love. Because last time I checked, when you love someone, you love them through everything. I deserve someone who wants to give me the same passion I dish out. I deserve someone who can communicate effectively with me even when I am in a drunken state of mind. I’m tired, fed up, and when I tracked his location, I noticed he hadn’t been home in a couple of days. Strange right? Maybe he never meant to spend that night with me.  See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her. 

“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.”
-Oscar Wilde

What I have noticed is men love the idea of me when it comes to dating. They love the fact that I am very business-oriented. They love the fact that I don’t have kids. They are very much so in love with my grind and my hustle. They are in love with my positions and titles that I hold in my career fields. They love the fact that I can rock a short hairstyle effortlessly. They love that I live on my own and can take care of my bills. They love the fact I can afford to buy myself luxury things and not depend on a man. And while most don’t want to admit it, they are much so in love with the brand “Don’t Date Her.” But in the end, What is that doing for me? See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her. 

“You gotta move on with your life right in their faces.”
- A Thought

The month of March was about me setting up my finances for peace of mind. The month of April was about me setting boundaries. The universe has this weird way of removing people from your life when you are in the process of creating something big. This same thing happened when I dropped my book in December. Now that I am dropping an entire lipstick line and doing more things with my brand, many people are dropping out of my life. Not going to lie; in some ways, it hurts. My spiritual advisor told me this is my Shirley Valentine season. No matter what, I have to remain in the driver’s seat. Keep pushing, keep moving forward. Be the “Boss Ass Bitch” that I am. But damn, when does moving on become easy? See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.